I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
