I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
