I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
