I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
