You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
