I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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