Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
