you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
