What a fucking waste of an outfit
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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