Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
