How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
