I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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