no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
