her vagine was all disorganized.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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