Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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