If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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