Just fell off a train. Bad.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
