R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
