TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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