i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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