k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
