i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
