Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
