How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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