why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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