Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
