Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
