we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
