i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
