so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
