I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
