i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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