I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
