So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is wine microwaveable?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
