I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize