His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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