Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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