How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
