was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
