I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
