i jhust puked up my retainher.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
