well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We just shotgunned beers for America
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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