I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
