there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
