I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
