the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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