You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
