Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
