cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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