I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
