we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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