I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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