my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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