I wish I could punch you in the face.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize