You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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