God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
