happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We don't watch enough power rangers
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize