I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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