Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
