Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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