I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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