We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize