I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
