That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
