So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
