I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
