look no pants
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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