I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
