Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
