I feel like I'm in dance class right now
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
