His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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