Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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