The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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