just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
